...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
