I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
try to milk me bitch
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