I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
