I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Someone shit on the floor
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
