just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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