The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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