Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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