Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
