Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
