Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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