Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
