after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
