just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
