Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The struggles of a small town man whore
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
