Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
