What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
