Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
