i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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