I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
