blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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