im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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