he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't put those talents on a resume
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
