Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
