I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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