everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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