Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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