i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
