WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
