i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
