so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
