I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
