Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
