You really coming over, don't trick.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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