It's Friday. Sex?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
