I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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