Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
