Who did Billy Mays play for?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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