I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
