your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
