I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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