Screwed.edu
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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