i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
