It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
