So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
