I heard we made out
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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