I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
