found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
