Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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