i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
