she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
