I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I could make wine with my vomit
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
