Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
