Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
