You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
