i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
