So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
