it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i barfeds in our rink
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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