i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
