SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
