so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
