Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
