Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The air taste purple.
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