I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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