So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
