Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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