I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
