So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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