I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
