Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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